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It is easy to fall into a routine, especially when it works for you. But routines are not progress. Step outside of your comfort zone and make magic happen.
So much for a post-racial America. My blood boils whenever I hear/read Zimmerman's name. I get chills and a wave of sadness when I think of Fruitvale Station. I am still not mentally ready to watch 12 Years a Slave. Need I mention the recent Grammy snubs where Macklemore wins over Kendrick Lamar and HOV. It is mind-blowing to hear racist crimes, comments and illogic in 2014.
I am often the only meatball in the rice in the workplace. It is like working two jobs: (1) your salaried position and (2) being the only black example in an office of sprites. It is super annoying to be asked my opinion on anything black-related. Must I comment on everything POTUS does? Must I share thoughts on every racial news story? Carrying the burden of representing the black community is enough; don't pick my brain too. I am tired of being viewed as a live science project when my brown skin tans. If I get one more "you didn't sound black on the phone" look...whew, ancestors give me strength! Not to mention that whenever chicken is on the menu, I am assumed to choose it as my lunch. (Yes, this all actually happened.)
Le sigh. I have been forced into a "let's give them something to talk about" mood. This Black History Month I am putting on a symbolic black beret. I feel like humming old negro spirituals like We Shall Overcome just because. Dare anyone to ask what song is stuck in my head. I should change the wallpaper on my computer to an image of a plantation with slaves in the field. Maybe I will temporarily change my job title to Sprite-Acclaimed Urban Connosieur. I might as well wear primarily black all month. This meatball is rebelliously rolling around in the rice slinging gravy.
My Blogoversary ~ I started this blogmoir in 2011 as a memoir in blog format of events and people in this fuckery called life. It has been fun sharing my experiences with you. Cheers to many more!
Today is the first blank page of a 365-page book. I intend to write a good one.
I am starting to collect images, words, affirmations and physical trinkets for a vision board. I've heard about the positive effects of maintaining a vision board and feel this is the time to start. Last year was very rough for me; 2013 was almost as bad a year as 2008 was. So something's gotta shake! My purpose for the vision board is to bring positive energy by looking at the things that make me happy and goals I will achieve. I have a blank corkboard ready and set to go!
Resolutions set you up for failure. Instead I make a life change. Today is the first day I will set aside time to meditate and rest my mind. I will not overextend myself. I will value my time. I will create a healthy balance between work and play. I will allow more "me" time. *insert Flawless hands here*
{insert obligatory reason why I haven't blogged in over a month here}
Now that part is out of the way...
Social media has ruined America. Before you dismiss my rant, pick a random Facebook "friend" or Twitter "follower." When was the last time you spoke to or saw this person? Hold that answer.
I'm willing to bet $5 that one of the first things you do in the morning is check your feed on a social media site. I am also willing to bet you frequently reach for your phone throughout the day to check a social media timeline or post an update. Don't feel guilty if this is true. It's the American way! But it's a gift and a curse. We have lost all sense of communication. Seeing relationship statuses change, selfie and foodie pics on Instagram, up-to-the-minute Foursquare check-ins or live tweeting a television show with others has given us a false sense of communication and keeping in touch with family/friends.
Remember the days of dropping by someone's house because you were in the area? Or the days of picking up the telephone and calling someone just to say hey? These days you send a text full of abbreviated words beginning with "WYD" and ending with "Text me if you want to hang out soon." But you both know you won't hang out anytime soon. It's more of a polite way of ending the text conversation.
You probably know more about celebrity lives than your own relatives' lives thanks to Twitter. You know more birthdays of friends than your own family thanks to Facebook calendar. And I bet you know every step of someone's daily life thanks to status updates and tweets. You "see" people all the time, right? When in reality you only played a time-sucking game, liked a status or commented on a picture. This DOES NOT equal communication. This BARELY means you've kept in touch. Now think of the question I asked earlier in this post. Did you REALLY just speak to or see this person or was it online interaction? Hmmm...
And now Facebook has taken away all privacy rights. Surely you are not surprised. It was a long way coming. I saw the writing on the wall (pun intended) when privacy settings had to be manually updated every other week. Ain't nobody got time for that. With these privacy settings changed, even more strangers can stay abreast of your every move. So maybe now is the time to stop posting your whereabouts, every event you attend, your OOTD (outfit of the day) and a pic of every meal you eat. I promise you the event will still happen and the food will still taste yummy if you don't post about it. (And speaking of food, for goodness sakes put your phones away when sitting at a table eating dinner. You're killing the vibe. Don't be rude!)
In the words of Jay-Z, "Fuck hashtags and retweets; 140 characters in these streets." Get off your computer and enjoy real life with real people. Thank me later.
The feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.
Yes, I mentally took a drive to Disappointment Ville and got comfortable. Quite frankly, I feel like a failure. It doesn't happen often but when it does...
I recently did something unfortunate that has me in a slump. No matter how many condolences, how many hugs, how many "thinking of you" or "better luck next time" texts I receive, it does not help the fact that I disappointed myself. Sure, I could blame it on the Virgo trait of being a perfectionist. I plan; I execute. Most times, all turns out exactly as planned. Then there are the rare times when the outcome goes so left, it take effort to make a U-turn and get back on the right path.
After the woe-is-me party is over and the decorations have been stowed away, the "Would've Should've Could've" thoughts kick in. I wracked my brain and there is seriously nothing different I would've, should've or could've done. Le sigh. So I guess this is the part where I tell myself everything happens for a reason, so oh well, must not have been meant to be. But it really sucks that I tried my all and didn't meet expectations. ♠ology: I'm My Only Competition
Color me mentally exhausted. It feels like my brain has been dipped in seasoned flour and deep fried. If I listen carefully I can hear it sizzle. I envy people that can easily turn their brain off and meditate. Seriously, how do you empty your mind and pause all thoughts? I've tried unplugging from the internet, turning the TV off, disconnecting the iPod and turning my iPhone on "Do Not Disturb" mode. But even with no distractions, my mind doesn't completely clear. It may sound simple to just chill, but this is something I really struggle with.
Me: Mind, please power off.
Mind: But I been on. Tell me who gon' turn me off.
Something's got to shake. So I hereby challenge myself to NOT multi-task. Sit. Unwind. Enjoy silence. Brain, thank me later.
I have a love-hate relationship with technology and social media. Privacy is not respected. Sharing is overrated and oftentimes TMI. Yet it is damn near impossible to live without online interaction. Le sigh deeply.
What was a normal day turned into a brain splitting, nerve wracking day. This happened a few weeks ago and I'm just now calm enough to blog it out.
It started with a routine visit to my migraine specialist. I researched how botox was now FDA-approved and used for treatment of migraines. I also read an article about how dogs could be trained to alert the owner of an oncoming headache attack. I have established a good relationship with my doctor and trusted he would advise whether these new methods were worth trying. Welp, it turns out I don't qualify. Botox and alert dogs are only for those with chronic migraine.
The denial was a gift and a curse. On one hand, I should be thankful that I am
not suffering or bedridden 15 days out of every month. That's half of every month spent in pain. On the other hand, I am only a few days shy,
so that means I am still spending a good deal of my time in pain but not
enough to allow stronger relief methods. Oh woe is fucking me.
The next stop was to my regular pharmacy to refill my prescriptions. I waved hello to the pharmacist that knows me better than some of my own acquaintances. A worried look appeared on the pharmacist's face. The friendly smile was not there. Not even the usual, "How are you?" greeting was spoken. Instead I received a tentative hello and asked if I'd heard from my insurance company yet. "Umm, no. Should I have?" And so follows the dreadful news that my medical insurance provider will no longer cover my migraine meds. But I'm more than welcome to purchase them at retail value of $1,000 or more. (,,-__-,,)
This news alone brought a migraine ON-SITE. I was directed to a chair so that I could sit down and get my bearings. But at that point, I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and lay in the darkness until I was well enough to call the insurance company in the morning. Surely there has been a mistake.
Another day and couple phone calls later and it was proven to be true. The insurance company needed proof that I've exhausted all other types of treatment before they continue paying for the costly cocktail that I'm now taking. Le sigh. I am not new at this migraine thing. I've been diagnosed for 26 years. I have tried any and everything by now. But to the insurance company, I'm just a name on a manila file with expensive coverage needs.
Fast forward to the present and my doctor and pharmacy worked out an alternative; although, it's not as effective. So I literally cannot afford to get a migraine. It will cost me thousands! I've been told to take it easy so it won't trigger one. This was a serious wake-up call for me to stop multi-tasking so much and slow down. Sit still. Turn my chill meter to the max. I cannot let anything worry or stress me—as if I wasn't already nonchalant enough.
"Taking it easy" is not simple for me. It's as if I'm on cruise control, afraid to accelerate because I will crash. I'm going somewhere nowhere fast. I'll just keep sailing my lil red boat, praying to God he will keep me afloat.
Thirty-odd years ago on September 16, a star was born. That star would be yours truly. This is the first birthday that I felt like it was just another day. Does this mean I'm officially old?
My original plan was to chill. Well that plan was nixed quickly. Thanks to family and friends I spent it out. It was a weekend full of laughs, good food, delish drinks and new activities. Cheers to another year of life.
My goodness. I haven't blogmoired in some months of Sundays. I was too busy gettingmylife.com
I just returned from vacation in the Bahamas. It is such a beautiful, relaxing place. I feel a sense of calm whenever I am around ocean blue water. There is not a care in the world. No stress. Everyday responsibilities forgotten. That's what you call good living.
Now that I am back in the States, I am rejuvenated and can hear my angels sing.
It really hit me when I was taking a survey. Are we addicted to gadgets? Do you even remember life before smartphones, DVR's and streaming technology? The question was:
Which of the following devices do you own or have within your household? Please select all that apply.
desktop computer
laptop
eReader
tablet
smartphone (BlackBerry, iPhone, Android)
none of these
I won't admit to my answer but let's just assume I didn't answer "none of these."
Catholics and Christians are not the only people who participate in Lent. Neither are the fad followers on social networks because Lent is the in-thing to do. I was once a Catholic schoolgirl and I still participate. It is a period of 40 days devoted to fasting and abstinence. People typically "give up" things they are attached to. Last year, I gave up specific items for Lent. This year, I took a more mature approach.
While reading Jen Hatmaker's 7, I considered three questions when trying to determine what to "give up" for Lent.
What in my life, if taken away, would alter my value or identity?
What causes an unhealthy change of attitude, personality, or focus when "it" becomes threatened?
What is the thing outside of God that you put everything else on hold for?
My first thought was food. Seriously, I am most happy when food is in my mouth. No joke. It comforts me. It soothes me. It fulfills me. But I gave up certain foods last Lent. My second thought was liquid crack, Pepsi. But I gave Pepsi up last Lent. And besides, I just purchased a 12-pack. That certainly can't sit in my fridge untouched for 40 whole days. My third thought was books. But that would mean giving up spiritual and Bible study books that I read along with fiction. Plus I have book review and manuscript commitments. For a split second, I thought about joining Chickadee with Daniel's Fast. A split second! See where this is going? At this rate, I would be skipping Lent 2012. So I thought about it on a broader scale.
"Need" and "want" are not interchangeable. Americans tend to forget
this. I personally have a bad habit of justifying purchases based on
what I "want" instead of "need." Another question proposed in 7 really got me to thinking. "Would
Jesus overindulge on garbage food while climbing out of a debt hole from
buying things He couldn't afford to keep up with neighbors He couldn't
impress?"
My Lent 2012: No excess. No overindulgence. No irresponsible spending.
I will only purchase what I need, not want. I will use items I already have instead of spending money on more, more, and more. I will still eat chicken, but it doesn't have to be fried and smothered in gravy. I will still drink Pepsi, but not my usual 12 oz. can per day. I will still read books, but only from my public library or my To Be Read pile. No sense in purchasing new books while I already have tons to read already. Sorry Amazon Wish List, you're being put on hold. I will still wear makeup, but crack open the new items I have yet to wear rather than splurging on sale items from Ulta and Sephora. Instead of grabbing food from fast food joints, I will cook the food already in my kitchen. No more handing my debit card over for that cute new pair of jeans when I have stacks of unworn jeans in my closet. And this hurts my heart, but no purchasing boots when I already own pairs that my pretty little feet have yet to step into.
"I will reduce, so He can increase." ~ Jen Hatmaker
I will also "Pause & Pray." My mind is in rotation 25/8. I rarely take a moment to just pause and meditate. Take a quiet breath. So I will make a conscious effort to pause during random moments of my day to pray.
This will be a challenge but I am looking to make it a lifestyle. I am hoping this Lent season will last more than 40 of my calendar days. Share your Lent 2012 plans.
At this very moment I am jamming to Johnny Kemp's Just Got Paid, dancing in my snuggie while I type, inhaling the scent of a Dark Mint Chocolate candle and nibbling on Girl Scout Cookies.
