Sunday, August 21, 2011

It's a New Life For Me

This may be the deepest blog post I will ever write. I'm hoping by writing these thoughts that I'll reach a decision. So grab a beach chair, refreshing drink, and ponder with me.

I've had migraines since the age of 4, on prescriptions since the age of 11. I'm almost 30 years old. You do the math. I've been suffering in pain for way too long. I have tried just about every migraine medication on the market. My Neurologist uses me to test new products (approved by FDA of course). Just when we think the perfect drug has been found to alleviate pain and aura, it stops working. For the last two weeks, the migraine level was high.  Way higher than normal. I immediately scheduled an appointment with my Neurologist.

Could it be stress? Well, I don't feel stressed. Nothing in my life is stressful. It has actually been carefree as of late. Could it be caffeine withdrawal because I'm slowly decreasing my Pepsi intake? Or maybe it is my sleeping or eating habits? With the exception of indulging in a Magnum ice cream bar, I stay away from chocolate. I get at least 8 hours of sleep. Going through my migraine journal, I couldn't determine the cause. I really couldn't understand why my injection was no longer as effective. It's a shot for goodness sakes. It goes straight to my blood stream and should work instantly. Not so for the last two weeks.

After visiting the doctor, it turns out my blood pressure is high. Blood pressure is the silent killer that plagues most blacks. You can't necessarily feel your pressure rising, hence why it can be deadly. Thankfully, it wasn't at stroke level. But definitely high enough to monitor. The downfall is I cannot take my injection with high blood pressure. Let me help you understand the severity. Because of high blood pressure, I cannot take the injection when I get a migraine. So I basically have to suffer through the pain. Weigh it out. Sleep it off. Hope it goes away on its own. It could take hours or even days. What an interruption of life!

Women's hormone levels change when giving birth. The hormone change could potentially relieve me of migraines for good. If you're a good friend or family member, you know how I feel about children. But lately, the idea of pushing out a crumbsnatcher is looking better and better. Yes, it would be for my own personal, selfish health reasons. But it could be a blessing. I still have a couple more options before resorting to child birth. One option being botox. FDA approved botox for the treatment of migraines. At this point, I am willing to look like a rejected B-list celebrity with a tight forehead and permanent -__-.  But frankly, I am tired of being a guinea pig playing trial-and-error with heavy drug dosages. Something has to give. New life or a face so tight you don't realize when I'm laughing? Decisions, decisions.

Of course I have WTT in heavy rotation. One of my favorite songs on the album is New Day. Jay and Ye rap about their unborn sons. It made me think. I don't want my unborn children to suffer from migraines either. It is a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I certainly wouldn't want to pass it on to my children. And it is selfish to bring a new life into the world just so I wouldn't be in pain anymore. On the other hand, I hear a lot of new parents say how a child saved their life. Do I want to make that commitment and let a child save mine?


  1. I am in tears reading this blog post. I remember your migraines and I didn't know you've endured this basically your whole life. I couldn't imagine going through this pain due to high bp, I am praying for you that you are able to make the best decision for you and pray that when that day comes and you decide to start your legacy that your child will NOT have to endure the pain you have. Big hugs my friend. Big hugs.

  2. Jen, thank you so much for the big hug dear friend. I was just about in tears writing the post. You already know how therapeutic blog posts can be. **wink** Your support and prayers really mean a lot.

  3. Wow...that's is a LOT to think about. I know people who deal with migraines and I understand that it's not easy at all.
    And as someone who was a bit "child-averse" at a younger age, I can definitely speak to how having one changes you. My son makes me smile all the time, he has been an enormous blessing to my life, and I often wish that I could always have the joy that he has every day. But to be honest, as much of a blessing he is and a great of a child he is, parenting is challenging. It ain't easy, so I would definitely pray/meditate over the decision to have one, especially if you're trying to go it alone.
    Like LOVEOFMYLIFE1924 said, I will be praying for you as well, for your health and for guidance in your decision.

  4. Yves, thanks for being so honest about the challenges of parenting. Thank you for the prayers. I'll keep y'all updated.